Avoid The Truth, What An Idea - Transcript

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Chapter 37 - Avoid The Truth, What An Idea

We start with a black screen, the audio from a radio can be heard

Radio Host

“And now we’ve got the song that hasn’t left the top charts for four whole weeks! I’m of course referring to ‘Have Some Fun,’ by Michael Yangum. Enjoy!”

A pop song starts playing, and we cut Jameson sitting stiffly in the back of a limo. As the pop music starts playing, he slowly shifts into dancing position, until he’s full out dancing.

The doors open, Ex-Lord and Wilson Sharp

Jameson

“Ex-Lord”

Ex-Lord

“Jameson”

They sit down

Wilson

“DRIVE!”

The limo starts moving

Ex-Lord

“So Jameson, did you learn anything from your visit to the sorcerer archives?”

Jameson

“Well, I read every book in that place, and I found... nothing, nothing on the scepter”

Ex-Lord

“Ugh”

Wilson

“Is anyone really surprised though?”

Ex-Lord

“Jameson, we’re planning a massive raid on Randoms Tower! We don’t have time for your idiocy!”

Jameson

“Wait, you- you didn’t let me finish, there was actually a book missing! See they had these pedestals reserved for the bigger books, and one of them was labeled ‘The Unauthorized History of Sorcery,’ written like 40 years ago. After doing hours of extensive research-“

Flashback, sorcerer archives, Jameson is talking into his phone

Jameson

“Cindy, where can I find The Unauthorized History of Sorcery?”

Cindy

“Enough about me, what about you?”

Return to the present

Jameson

“I managed to find out that it was being kept on display, at the Museum of Porta History”

Ex-Lord

“I have a weapons deal at the museum, scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. That’s a crazy coincidence”

Jameson

“Not really, I learned this weeks ago”

Ex-Lord

“Wait what? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Jameson

“I had to get breakfast before I came back, it was a whole ordeal”

Intro plays

Angle on a cool painting, zoom out and the Silvas (plus Lily, because she’s main cast now) enter the museum

Tim

“Whoa! This place is so cool! I love history!”

Lily

“Meh, I failed history in my old private school. *disgusted* So many names and dates and- AAAAAA-“

Alex

“Calm down”

Lily

“Fine”

Malcom

“Okay kiddos, y’all are going off into the depths of this historic death trap by yourselves... I’m busy with-“

He sees Sally in the corner of his eye

Malcom

“Other things... so you’ll will have to stick with the tour group, go go go go!”

Tim

“You got it Malcom! We’re gonna stay with that tour group! Woo!”

They walk over to a tour group, the tour guide is checking everyone’s tickets

Tour Guide

“Yep, this looks acceptable! *sees Tim, Alex and Lily* Ah, you guys got tickets?”

Alex

“Bill our dad”

He points at Malcom

Tour Guide

“Hmm... delightful! If that’ll be all, allow me to take you on a journey into Porta City’s rich history!”

Lily groans

He leads them off, as Malcom makes his way to Sally

Sally

“You ditched the kids?”

Malcom

“Yep, although I’m still adamant about-“

Sally

“Yeah yeah yeah, sh! Sh! SHHH!”

Malcom

“You don-“

Sally

“SH! I’m done”

Malcom

“So, what’s the sitch?”

Sally

“Wilson Sharp was spotted with Jameson and some eccentric businessman, aka Ex-Lord! This could be my chance to bust him for good!”

Malcom

“And Jameson? Paul mentioned that Jameson had showed up to Ex-Lord’s weapons deal at the hotel. Y’know, the time I wanted to get him for you?”

Sally

“And you failed!”

Malcom

“Barely! Whatever, let’s move on!”

Sally

“Way ahead of you Malcom! It’s time for destiny!”

Malcom

“So, how are we gonna find them?”

Sally

“No clue! Let’s do it! To adventure!”

She runs off, Malcom trudges after her

Malcom

“This is ridiculous”

Cut to the back entrance, Wilson, Jameson and Ex-Lord (disguised as a businessman) enter

Ex-Lord

“Okay Jameson, go find that book”

Jameson

“You got it Larry!”

Ex-Lord

“My name’s not Larry, that’s not even my code name”

Wilson

“*scoff* I’ll make sure you two ain’t being tailed”

Ex-Lord

“Good, knew I could count on you”

Wilson

“Yup, get going”

They all split up, Malcom and Sally enter and see Wilson. They immediately duck behind a statue

Malcom

“Ugh, him again”

Sally

“I haven’t seen him since the casino, has he gotten uglier? Is that even possible?!”

Malcom

“Look Sal, we need to stop Ex-Lord, and I’m willing to listen to any potential strategies... so... strategize”

Sally

“Hmm...”

Cut to kids in their tour

Tour Guide

“And to our left we have the statue of the legendary Augustus Porta, founder of Porta City, notable achievements include... founding Porta City... and to our right-“

Cut to the back

Tim

“I never knew he did that! History is enlightening!”

Lily

“Ugh... sooooooo bored...”

Alex

“Uh Lily, maybe you should just calm down”

Lily

“But I’m booooored! History is bringing me to tears!”

Alex

“Okay... but like... so?”

Lily

“Ugh! I would not expect a homeschooler to understand”

Alex

“First of all I literally go to school now, you know that, second, you wish you had half the education as me!”

Lily

“Okay okay, sorry... wow, you’re a good debater... that wasn’t even a debate it just... yep... still boring”

Alex

“Okay, but don’t ruin this for Tim, he’s loving this”

Tim (muffled)

“It’s like a factory for dreams!”

Lily

“I won’t...”

Alex

“Good moving on”

Tour Guide

“Okay guys, we’re taking this up a notch, ready? Okay good! We’re gonna do this tour, Porta style!”

Big musical number, that also educates the audience for Porta City’s history

Cut to Jameson, walking through the WWII exhibit

Jameson

“Hmm... where could that book be? Ugh...”

A mother and daughter walk by

Girl

“That homeless man is talking to himself”

Mom

“Look away Trudy”

Jameson

“YOU LOOK AWAY! Oh wait, they are... yep, yeeeep... I’m lost”

Cut back to Malcom and Sally

Sally

“So, if we manage to do all that, in perfect order, we should be able to pass Wilson!”

Brief silence

Malcom

“I’m gonna give you three seconds to realize the problem with your plan”

Sally

“What do you wanna do then?”

Malcom

“Watch this”

Malcom walks over to Wilson, and punches him in the side of the head, knocking him out

Sally

“Okay...”

Malcom

“You’re welcome! Moving on”

He walks off, Sally follows sadly

As they try navigating, Sally spots the tour group with the kids, and drags Malcom out of sight

Malcom

“Sally!”

Sally

“Malcom! We almost ran into the kids!”

Malcom

“Again, not that big a deal”

Sally blushes a little

Sally

“Well I-“

Malcom

“Loosen up! We just need to find Ex-Lord. The museum’s not that big! We got this covered! If you’re really worried about we’ll avoid the tour group”

Sally

“Okay, thanks Malcom... also, who’s the girl? (Slyly) Are one of my boys dating?”

Malcom

“What?! No of course not! Don’t even say that! Um... she’s essentially my adoptive daughter, after she left her mentally abusive mother... actually Alex has a pretty big crush on her, and that would make them siblings, so that doesn’t work-“

Sally

“Distant cousins”

Malcom laughs very genuinely

Malcom

“Still no!”

Sally

“Fair enough!”

Cut back to the kids

Tour Guide

“And now we reach the Malcom Silva wing of the museum”

All three kids

“The huh?”

Tour Guide

“Oh, you didn’t know? Wow... okay! Malcom has his own wing at the museum! Look at it!”

They enter to see tons of Malcom memorabilia. Suits, artifacts, books, etc

Tim

“When was this installed?!”

Tour Guide

“Years ago, Malcom’s Porta’s greatest hero!”

Tim

“Well yeah, but he never thought it was important to tell me?!”

Tour Guide

“I’m confused, why would he tell you?”

Tim

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH!”

Brief silence

Tour Guide

“Ya lost me... anyway group, if you follow me you’ll see-“

Malcom and Sally arrive at the dinosaur exhibit. They spot the shifty businessman (Ex-Lord) walking up to a buff guy who definitely seems like he doesn’t belong there (this guy is Gulag Sven, remember him?).

Ex-Lord

“Sven, I’ve got what you asked for”

Gulag Sven

“Ah excellent, let’s negotiate shall we?”

Cut back to Malcom and Sally

Malcom

“Alright, let’s split up. You take one side, I take the other!”

Sally

“Got it! We should definitely do this together more often!”

Malcom

“Absolutely!”

They split up, Malcom walks behind a massive t-rex, only to be cornered by Wilson

Wilson

“Thought it’d be that easy did ya?”

Malcom

“You recovered? Wow... that was quick...”

Wilson

“Nah, I was faking it. I’m not one of your stupid rivals! Prepare to die”

Malcom

“Uh... no longer okay with this!”

Cut to Jameson, searching through an exhibit filled with books

Jameson

“I haven’t had to read this much since- I haven’t had to read this much!”

The tour group (with Tim, Alex and Lily) enter the exhibit

Tour Guide

“And up here we have our historically accurate book collection, public schools downright refused to take them, guess that’s what happens when bias people try to mold the minds of children, who would’ve guessed?! Buckle your seatbelts, and prepare for adventure!”

Lily

“*cough* Kill me”

Jameson

“A tour guide! That’s perfect, he’ll be able to help me!”

He runs over to the tour

Jameson

“Excuse me tour guide, I’ve been searching for-“

He notices the kids, they notice back

Jameson

“Uh... hey”

All three

“Hey”

Jameson

“Delightful!”

He runs off, then runs back, crams a note into the tour guide’s hand and runs off again

Tour Guide

“Uh, I have your answer”

Jameson runs back

Jameson

“So?”

Tour Guide

“Shelf 19, row twelve, can’t miss it”

Jameson

“Excellent!”

He runs off

Tour Guide (sing-song)

“Who’s ready for dinosaurs?”

Cut to the dinosaur exhibit. Ex-Lord’s finishing up his deal, as Wilson brings over Malcom, who’s being restrained by floating bits of metal

Wilson

“Look what I found in the garage!”

Ex-Lord steps over to Malcom

Ex-Lord

“We meet again, what a coincidence!”

Cut to Sally, who’s watching from above and low key panicking

Sally

“Okay, okay, OKAY! We’re gonna be fine! Me and Malcom are a duo! We’ve gotten out of stickier situations than this! The hydra, the crelmadom, the honeymoon prices... we’re all good!”

She stiffens as she hears a thud noise and Malcom exclaims

Sally

“Totally fine... AAAAAA-“

Cut to Tim, Alex, and Lily on the tour, approaching the doors to the prehistoric exhibit

Tour Guide

“Alright, to finish up our tour, we arrive in the prehistoric exhibit! Dinosaurs are cool!”

Tim

“They are!”

They open the door on Ex-Lord, Wilson and Malcom (tied in a chair).

A few minutes of awkward silence

Wilson

“Uh... I’m the owner of this museum! I-“

Ex-Lord

“Just stop”

Ex-Lord vanishes

Wilson

“Hey!”

Malcom jumps up, smashes the chair on top of Wilson’s head, knocking him over. Malcom puts his foot on top of Wilson

Wilson

“*groan*”

Malcom

“I’ve wanted to do that ever since I first laid eyes on you. HEY TOUR GUIDE! Call the cops!”

Tour Guide

“You got it”

Tim

“Uh, what happened?!”

Malcom

“One heck of a time”

Tim

“That explains nothing! YOU EXPLAINED NOTHING!”

Malcom

“Chill kiddo. I gotta go talk with someone”

He sees Sally out of the corner of his eye, and stomps off

Tim

“SERIOUSLY WHAT HAPPENED?!”

Pan over to Malcom and Sally

Sally

“Malcom I-“

Malcom

“We need to talk”

Cut just outside of the museum, there’s a large garden, Malcom and Sally are walking through.

Malcom

“So please explain, what happened back there?!”

Sally

“I don’t know, I got scared seeing you captured, and I didn’t- I don’t- I CAN’T HANDLE-“

Malcom

“Dude, you okay?”

Sally

“I- okay look... I guess all my horrible thoughts of what would happen if Ex-Lord figured out who my family was came true, and I kinda just... seized up?”

Malcom

“Look Sal, I get it, you’re scared, I’ve been there- *sigh* I am there... anyway, you don’t have to keep this secret anymore, it’s getting ridiculous!”

Sally

“Well... there’s a bit more to it... like, it’s been so long time since I’ve been a parent, like, what if they don’t like me... what if I just... fail? At everything...”

Malcom looks surprised, then considers and looks sad

Malcom

“Well... if you’re really worried, take it at your own pace... I won’t pressure you anymore, just- just tell the, when you’re ready...”

Sally looks grateful

Cut to Ex-Lord’s hideout. Ex-Lord enters looking ticked.

Jameson is leaning on the wall, Ex-Lord approaches him.

Jameson

“Hey Exy! Guess what? I-“

Ex-Lord throws a ton of daggers at Jameson, all of which miss him just barely

Ex-Lord

“I swear! If you failed to get the stupid book-“

Jameson

“CALM! I got the book! Also, Malcom and his friend, Wilson texted me the deets, what happened to them? Who is she?!”

Ex-Lord

“Oh I’ve met her before, they’re closer than friends... anyway Jameson, get reading, if we’re gonna attack Randoms Tower, you need to know how to use that weapon! And as for me, I’ve got an army to create”

He walks off, while Jameson opens his book and considers a page

The end