On The Open Road - Transcript

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Chapter 46 - On The Open Road

Angle on the Silvas packing up a trailer

Malcom

“Alright, it’ll take about a￼ week to get to Capital City, then hopefully we can learn more about the Eye of Agoro”

Sally

“I’m a bit out of the loop... why is that so important?”

Malcom

“Dude... it’s a crazy deadly artifact? Jameson and Ex-Lord have it? So... y’know...”

Sally

“Oh yeah, that is bad!”

Tim

“Yay! This is gonna be so fun, finally we can bond with mom!”

Sally

“Yeah you can!”

Alex

“Good”

Multiple voices

“Hey!”

They turn around, a large group has arrived to see them off. Lily, Paul, Shade, P-Sauce, Saftey Ninja, Anne, Tucker, Jessie, and Tiny Turret, all here!

They turn

Tim

“Whoa! We can’t fit all of you in the trailer!”

Paul

“Oh we know!”

Shade

“We’re just seeing you off!”

P-Sauce

“See ya, home dawgs”

Malcom

“Yep, remember! Paul is in charge while I’m gone!”

Paul

“You can count on me sir!”

Malcom

“I know!”

Sally

“Even the Randoms Elite have crawled from their shells!”

Jessie

“Yup, don’t expect this often!”

Sally chuckles, but Tim and Alex are looking at Lily

Lily

“So uh... guess y’all are leaving for awhile. The complete family huh? Yep... mmm...”

Alex

“Lily, I-“

Malcom

“Hey Lily! You coming or what?”

Lily

“Wha- REALLY?!”

Malcom

“Yeah, you’re a Silva aren’t ya?”

Lily (quickly)

“Honorary, but yes. THANK THE LORD ABOVE!”

She runs over the the trailer, hugs Tim and Alex, and jumps inside

Sally

“Aw, I have a daughter that my son had a crush on”

Alex

“You know about that?!”

Sally

“Yep! Ha ha!”

She enters behind Malcom

Alex

”Wait come back!”

He runs in after her, Tim walks in, takes one last look at Randoms Tower, before sighing

Tim

“Alright... TIME FOR A NEW ADVENTURE!”

He dashes in, as everyone waves goodbye. They drive off

Paul

“Alright, let’s get to work!”

Safety Ninja

“The crazy scientist? In charge of a massive company? Oh geez...”

Anne

“At least it’s not... like literally me, that would end in blood”

He leads them off, as Jessie stands for a minute watching them go

Tucker (offscreen)

“Miss them already?”

Tucker walks up behind Jessie, as mysterious, slightly sinister music starts playing

Tucker (businesslike)

“I need assistance with a... project... had to wait, can’t let Malcom find out”

Jessie looks at him confused, before following him off

Intro plays

Angle on the RV, rolling along, cut inside to show the majority of the family (not Malcom, he’s driving) sitting around the table

Tim

“So family, I’ve taken the liberty of checking off great tourist locations on the maps, see!”

He pulls out a map, with certain spots circled in bright yellow marker

Alex

“Did you do that to... every map?”

Tim

“I did, I really did”

Sally

“I’ve been to half these places already”

Tim

“Are they as good as the legends state?”

Sally

“Oh they’re even better!”

Tim

“YOU ARE MY MOM!”

Sally

“Yeah I am! I also packed a ton of grenades! They’re just in my pockets!”

She pulls one out, chucks it out the window

Sally

“So yeah, I’m totally your mom!”

Lily

“She’s not mine... I mean kinda... I guess, we did bond a lot already...”

Alex

“Wait, you bonded with our mom before us?”

Lily

“What happens during girls’ night stays during girls’ night... but yes”

Sally

“Aw, don’t be sad! Plenty of bonding opportunities on the open road! Speaking of which, wanna stick you’re heads out of the roof?”

Tim and Lily

“Yes!”

Alex

“No... I’ll go sit up with Malcom”

Tim, Lily and Sally sit their head out of the skylight cheering loudly

Cut to later in the evening, they pull over at a truck stop... in the middle of the desert... it’s called “The Texan Man”

Malcom

“We need gas. I’ll just be a moment”

Lily

“Alright”

Malcom exits, only to find that the gas pump is super weird and unfamiliar

Malcom

“Actually... you probably have time to explore... um... yeah...”

Tim

“Yay! Let’s check out the truck stop! Woo!”

Sally

“Alright, I’ll come for parental supervision! (Ecstatic) Man, I’ve always wanted to say that”

Malcom does a thumbs up gesture, as she heads inside with the kids

It’s a hardcore looking biker joint, with bikers all sitting around

A couple of them glare at the Silvas entering

Sally

“Dang, this place looks hardcore, I love it!”

Tim

“Me too!”

Alex

“I’m getting... off vibes here...

He notices Lily is looking less than happy

Alex

“Oh uh, hey look!”

He’s noticed old people paying chess

Lily

“What?”

Alex

“It’s chess! That’s simple enough! Let’s do that and nothing else!”

Lily

“Yes I agree!”

They run off

Sally

“If you keep going off together I’m gonna have a hard time acting like you’re siblings, I’m kidding, I love both of you! Well Tim, let’s order something from the bar huh?”

Tim

“Uh... what can I, a not old enough for alcohol, teen drink?”

Sally

“Hmm... well, I’m sure we can work something out... Uh... let’s see the menu...”

She examines it for two seconds

Sally

“Nope never mind! We’ll figure something else out!”

She raises her hand while saying this, and accidentally hits a biker guy

Biker

“Hey! Watch it cornpuff!”

Sally

“Yep! Okay! Sorry dude! Ha!”

Tim

“She’s so sorry right now!”

Biker

“Oh really?”

Sally

“So sorry!”

The biker glares

Biker

“Well that’s just... DELIGHTFUL NEWS! Honestly I’m so sick of hurting people because they touch me, it just doesn’t add up I’m the ol’ noggin ya know? Thanks fo the epiphany!”

Another biker grabs his shoulder

Biker 2

“Hey Grimol! What did you say?”

Grimaul

“Nothin’”

Biker 2

“That’s what I thought! Sorry about him miss, it’s been awhile since he’s been outside. There was a plague around here awhile back, this biker gang ya see here, the iron dragons, only just reunited today!

Sally

“You did? That’s wonderful!”

Biker 2

“Yeah, uh, you’re all welcome to stay, but as the leader I should inform you... it’s gonna get crazy, and we’re just getting started!”

Sally

“Hint taken...”

Tim

“Hey mom! Death Skull Man over here is gonna let me ride his motorcycle! Let’s go!”

Sally

“Uh what...”

Tim

“Doesn’t that sound rad?”

Sally

“Yeah, that sounds... uh... just great...”

Tim

“Let’s do it!”

Sally

“Okay my little, er, sunshine...”

They run off, Sally rather reluctantly

Cut back to Alex and Lily, who approach and older man

Alex

“Uh, you playing?”

Older Man

“Archibald Cornelias! A pleasure to make your acquaintance!”

Lily

“Oh wow, okay, you’re a lot”

Alex

“Okay, so... can we play chess?”

Archibald

“Ha! You might need to get a bit better before you play me!”

Alex

“What”

Archibald

“I’m the country champion! Go, practice with anyone else!”

Alex

“Okay then, uh... that guy looks... practicable”

Archibald

“That’s the spirit, good luck”

Alex

“Mmm”

Lily

“This‘ll be fun!”

Back with Sally and Tim, Death Skull Man is showing off his motorcycle

Death Skull Man

“So if ya want I can take y’all for a ride. Y’all’ll be going in the sidecar though, y’all alright with that y’all?”

Sally

“N-“

Tim

“YES!”

Death Skull Man

“Cool, let’s load y’all up!”

Tim

“This is something I’ve been dreaming of doing for a whole twenty minutes! LET’S DO THIS!”

Sally

“Alright, calm down dude”

Tim

“Never!”

Sally

“Eeeeeegh”

Death Skull Man

“Alright, let’s go!”

Tim and Sally are crammed into the sidecar

Death Skull Man

“Hold on tight! WEEEEE-OOOOOO!”

They drive off into the dunes, and start doing some intense stunts, as Sally looks sick

Sally

“Oh lord, not my favorite pastime for sure- HRPH!”

She goes green

Tim

“Isn’t this literally the best thing ever invented?!”

Sally

“Mmmmmmm”

Death Skull Man

“Hey don’t worry, you get used to it after awhile”

Sally

“How long?”

Death Skull Man

“Couple days!”

Sally

“Oh no...”

Back at the truck stop, Alex and Lily win games of chess against nearly everyone

Alex

“Right, only one left is Archibald Cornelias!”

Lily

“Woo! I’m amped!”

Alex

“Yeah, LET’S TAKE HIM-“

Hard cut, they’re already playing him

Archibald

“Checkmate, good game little dudes”

Alex

“Oh, he’s good”

Cut back to Sally, Tim and Death Skull Man, who have parked in the middle of the desert

Death Skull Man

“Alrighty, y’all have fun?”

Tim

“The most fun, of anyone who’s ever had fun!”

Sally (nauseous)

“Yep, great”

Death Skull Man

“Alright! We’ll take a break here, who wants jerky?”

Sally

“Sure... maybe it’ll make me feel better”

Death Skull Man

“Here ya go ma’am”

Sally

“Thank you!”

Death Skull Man

“It’s what I’m here for”

We zoom out a bit, revealing something moving under the sand. Then we cut back

Sally

“Tim, I’m not gonna lie... I’m not a fan of the motorcycles”

Tim

“What?! But we’re in sync!”

Sally

“I thought so too! But that? I’m in physical pain Tim! Physical pain!”

Tim

“Huh... well, that’s just-“

Death Skull Man notices something in the sand

Death Skull Man

“Uh... guys?”

Tim

“But I thought, when you came back, maybe I’d finally have someone to share my interests with!”

Sally

“Me too!”

Tim

“Maybe we could-“

Death Skull Man

“Guys! We have a problem!”

Tim

“I know! Huh?”

A massive, brown, shriveled, eyeless snake has emerged from the sand

Tim

“Oh my lord!”

Sally

“It’s a Grain Serpent! Me and Malcom fought some on our honeymoon, that was a beach variety though, THIS IS WAY WORSE!”

Tim

“Darn you sand type paranormal entities!”

Death Skull Man

“Just a suggestion, but... GET IN THE SIDECAR!”

They do, and Death Skull Man drives off quick. The serpent screeches and begins chasing them, swimming in the sand as though it’s water

Death Skull Man

“Ma’am, this’ll get rough! Do you need a vomit bag?”

Sally

“JUST DRIVE!”

Death Skull Man

“Copy that ma’am”

He speeds up, the serpent follows angrily

Cut back to the gas station, Malcom is filling up the RV’s gas tank

Malcom

“Ah... I love road trips... really gets you away from the chaos of-“

He hears the screaming, turns and sees the motorcycle chase

Malcom

“Of course they did... okay...”

Cut inside the truck stop, Alex and Lily are playing against Archibald, surrounded by chess geeks and bikers alike, all invested in the game

Lily

“Eep! We’re so close to winning!”

Archibald

“Hmm...”

Alex

“Please don’t checkmate us...”

Archibald

“Uh... Hmm...”

He moves a piece

Alex looks at him... stares for a moment... then smirks, moves his queen straight into Archibald’s king, knocking it off the board

Archibald looks shocked

Archibald

“Oh... good game!”

Alex

“You too!”

They shake hands

Lily

“Aw, that’s so nice!”

The serpent bursts through the side of the wall, but not before Tim, Sally, and Death Skull Man drive in on the motorcycle

Death Skull Man

“Hey dude!”

A tough looking biker wakes up

Biker

“Wazzat?”

Death Skull Man

“This here is Bloody Steve, he’s the leader round these parts”

Bloody Steve

‘“Yup, I’m that! That’s me! *cough*”

Death Skull Man

“So... help us?”

Bloody Steve

“Yup”

He snaps, all of the bikers unite

Bloody Steve

“Let’s help these nice people take out this overgrown worm!”

The bikers cheer

Malcom walks in

Malcom

“Can I help?”

Everyone in unison

“Yes, yes you can!”

Malcom

“Yep, I mean... that’s probably for the best, this is my area of expertise! Okay let’s go!”

Sally

“Okay... I have an idea...

Cut, all the bikers get on their bikes, including Sally

Sally

“Not comfortable with this...”

Tim

“You got this!”

The bikers begin circling the Grain Serpent, confusing it. It opens its mouth, allowing Sally to throw the grenade from earlier into its mouth. It’s swallows it immediately, and it’s blows him up. Everyone begins celebrating

Malcom

“Thanks for the help bikers, as for my family, we’re on a tight schedule! Got a world to save!”

Alex

“Alright bye bikers!”

Lily

“Bye Archibald!”

They load up, but Tim and Sally linger behind... Malcom stops as well, to listen

Sally

“Tim... I’m sorry for disappointing you... I guess my fears were true, I came back, but... will you ever be used to me?”

Tim

“I’m not disappointed... you’re still a lot like me! Sure, you don’t like fast motorcycles, but you’re also old! So... bodily shutdown? Anyway, you’re the best mom I could’ve asked for! Not perfect, but nobody is!”

Sally

“That... means a lot...”

They hug, Malcom smirks satisfied, and goes into the RV

THE END